What Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are the limits and rules that people set for themselves in friendships and relationships (including family). Someone with healthy boundaries feels comfortable saying “no” when they want to, but are also comfortable opening up themselves to intimacy and close relationships.
Boundary setting should be based on your values or the things that are important to you. Your boundaries are yours and yours alone. Many of your boundaries might align with those who are close to you, but others may be unique. This is where communication is important!
Knowing your boundaries before entering a situation will make it less likely that you’ll do something you’re not comfortable with. Setting and enforcing boundaries is NECESSARY for self-preservation. You want to establish a space between you and the world that is sacred and safe.
Here are 5 boundaries you can start implementing today:
1. Emotional
Emotional boundaries are violated when someone criticizes, belittles, or invalidates another person’s feelings. Listen to your emotions, but be mindful of others’ as well. We often cross people’s boundaries without being aware, such as shaming someone publicly.
”I don’t really want to talk about this right now.”
2. Mental
Mental boundaries give you the freedom to have your own thoughts, beliefs, values, and opinions. Enforcing your mental boundaries is a form of self-respect, just remember to reciprocate this consideration to others.
”I respect that you disagree with my opinion, but don’t force your own on me.”
3.Time/Energy
Time boundaries are violated when another person demands too much of another’s time. To have healthy time boundaries, a person must set aside enough time for each facet of their life such as work, relationships, and hobbies. Know your limits and set your priorities or you might find yourself overcommitting. On that same note, be respectful of others’ time as well.
”If you’re going to be late, please text me to let me know.”
4. Material
Material boundaries revolve around money and possessions, when they can be used, and how they are treated. Material boundaries are violated when someone steals or damages another person’s belongings, or when they pressure them to give or lend them their things.
”My car cannot be used on weekends, I’m not comfortable with that.”
5. Physical
Physical boundaries can include rest, food/drink, close proximity, touch, PDA, and unwanted comments regarding appearance or sexuality. Physical boundaries may be violated if someone invades your personal space without consent.
”I need some space for myself right now. I'll let you know when I'm ready.”
It’s important to remember that children need boundaries just like adults. Through our own application, they learn to develop skills and recognize limitations. These skills are then transferred out into real world settings and situations; without them, they could face some consequences.
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